THE JOURNAL OF THE HORRORHOLIC - BLOODY DISGUSTING SHIT

I WANT TO GET ONE FUCKING THING STRAIGHT
QUIT SPREADING RUMORS ABOUT ME AND HILARY CLINTON
I DON'T KNOW THE WOMEN
I NEVER MET THE WOMEN
I HAVE NEVER HAD SEX WITH THAT WOMEN

I DO HAVE A QUESTION.....
IS GETTING A BLOWJOB CONSIDERED HAVING SEX
JUST ASKING........




This weekend was actually pretty hectic. I ended up watching 6 movies between Thursday and Sunday night. Thursday was The Ruins and I think I've exhausted every opportunity to say that I thought it was merely an average flick. Not bad, not good. Just there. Friday night, I went to the Florida Film Festival for a special screening of William Castle's Strait Jacket. This was actually a pretty good flick, though, out of all the William Castle films I have seen, it is my least favorite. Joan Crawford was great in it and the Pepsi product placement (she was the Pepsi spokesperson when it was made) was hilarious. The film was campy as all Castle horror flicks are (save Rosemary's Baby, which he just produced) and that whats I really dig about them. He knew how to show audiences a good time. I was also kind of shocked at the violence in the film, as it was pretty extreme for the time (with the on screen decapitations and all). Then again, I haven't seen Homicidal yet, which should be arriving in the mail any day now. Since that Spinetingler documentary, I've been trying to check out all his films that I've missed out on. During the movie, I tried this Guinness flavored gelato and it was pretty tasty, though really expensive at $7 a serving. Won't be doing that again anytime soon. Jennifer Tilly and Don Mancini (the guy behind the Child's Play franchise) were at the screening too and I got to say "Hi".Real early Saturday morning, I woke up and rode 15 miles n the bike trail with two friends. I usually work out 3-4 times a week but I wanted to try something new, to mix it up a bit and this really did the trick. I hadn't been on a bike in a few years but it was a blast. Beach Cruisers FTW!!!Saturday night, I got to check out two flicks at the film festival. First up was Timecrimes. This movie is borderline brilliant. As long as you can buy into Hector getting into the time machine the first time (under the circumstances though, it isn't quite that hard), you will have a blast. The acting, plot, direction... everything was phenomenal. Probably the best, if not one of the best, films I've seen this year. Whenever you get a chance to check it out, do yourself a favor and do it.Right afterwards, I checked out Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer. Look at the movie poster and if you think it looks awesome, odds are you will like this film plenty. Its gory, gooey and very funny at times. For the first time since the original Nightmare, I felt that someone actually cast Robert Englund correctly. It didn't feel like he was cast, so that the film makers could seem "way cool" or anything like that. He was actually pretty good for what the role demanded. And I'll be damned if there isn't some great puppetry in the film. If I hadn't been sold on the film until then, then that puppet sure would have done the trick. Really, really fun third act.Sunday was a pretty lazy day for me. It rained all freaking day which was a great excuse for me to fire up the DVD player. Up first, Eyes of a Stranger. Damn, that poster is cool. This movie is part of the Twisted Terror Collection WB put out a few months ago (and the last in my set to be watched). I actually thought it wasn't too bad. Jennifer Jason Leigh played a pretty convincing deaf-blind girl and I thought the cat and mouse premise played out nicely. Nothing that will rock the world or anything like that (Trust me, you've seen some derivative of this story before) but its watchable.After that, I went back to my childhood and watched Ducktales The Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp. I had no idea this was on DVD until a few weeks ago. Apparently, you have to save up points to buy it from the Disney DVD club, which I can't do because I only own like 3 Disney movies. So, I did the next best thing: I bought it off of eBay. It has Christopher Lloyd and Rip Torn voicing characters. I don't think this movie needs another defense. If you didn't grow up watching it, I don't think its something you'd really be into but I did grow up with it, therefore...Finally, Chopping Mall! I've been meaning to check this flick out for a while and I finally found it used for $3. And, since I had a $3 credit at MovieStop, it was the right price! This movie is so bad, its good. Horrible dialogue, a great 80s synth soundtrack, a ridiculous(ly awesome) plot and a really cool head explosion scene. Oh, and theres some gratuitous nudity thrown in for good measure. It's not as great as Troll 2 or other mainstays in the camp genre but its worth a look and Im glad I finally got my chance to see it.Anyway, this week I'm taking my mother up to the Mayo Clinic. She's had her neck broken at three times (all involving separate car accidents), has anemia and tons of scar tissue. Basically, she's a mess. Hopefully, the people at the Mayo Clinic can do something for her. I should be home Thursday night in time to sneak into the preview screening for Prom Night. Since its a "no press allowed" screening, I'll probably have to toss on a fake mustache to get in. Makes me wonder how bad it is to basically have a press screening without inviting the press...

#7Drillbit Taylor Review
Date Posted: 03-20-2008 at 02:18 PM - Comments (0)
I'll watch anything that has Judd Apatow's name on it, even if he is just producing it. So, against my better judgment, I actually went to the Drillbit screening. Now, I had never actually seen a trailer for this movie. I just knew it was about a couple of dorky freshman that hire an adult to be their bodyguard. To me, that doesn't sound so great. But, Apatow's track record shows that he's usually involved in a few good movies and then a real crapfest. It wasn't time for his next POS movie, because Walk Hard only came out last December, so I had my fingers crossed. The plots in his projects are usually very simplistic, which also gave me some hope.Freaks and Geeks: A bunch of nerdy kids go to high schoolUndeclared: A very bizarre group of friends in their freshman year of collegeAnchorman: Sexist anchorman comes to terms with female workers (Only funny movie with Will Ferrell in a main role...That's an accomplishment!)40 Year Old Virgin: 40 year old has never been laidKnocked Up: An unwanted pregnancy from an unlikely coupleSuperbad: Three kids try to buy alcohol for a graduation partyYou see what I mean? Sadly, I was waaaaay wrong.The three main characters seem like variations from Superbad. Ryan and Wade, the two main kids, are modeled heavily after Seth and Evan. Hell, Emmit, the really dorky friend, is basically McLovin. The relationships between these guys is even the same. Wade and Ryan are best friends. Wade is scrawny and kind of awkward and Ryan is heavy set and very boisterous. Emmit, who Wade admits being friends with, is someone that Ryan absolutely hates and picks on the whole movie, despite going everywhere with him. I mean, its the same damn thing. Then again, Seth Rogen wrote both. Drillbit, played by Owen Wilson, is a very uninteresting character, considering that he has to carry the whole movie on his shoulders. I think he got one funny line the entire movie. Basically, I could just summarize this movie in three words: unfunny and disappointing. And, for a comedy, being funny should be all that you're focused on, whether its in the material or the acting. Considering who was involved behind the scenes, this could have been a hit. You have Seth Rogen, Kristofor Brown (Undeclared and Beavis and Butthead) and John freakin Hughes writing the story. Judd Apatow is producing. I mean, right there, you should have an unstoppable team. To me, Apatow and Rogen are to filthy but heartfelt comedies what Shane Black is to action/comedy flicks. Maybe it's that they don't know how to make a clean(er) comedy. Maybe it's that Rogen already blew his load with his other writing gigs and has nothing left to offer. I certainly hope not.Everyone, you have Forgetting Sarah Marshall to look forward to. I saw it last week and it is my second favorite film of the year so far. Forget this turkey and just focus on that one. It's no wonder Owen Wilson tried to kill himself during the filming.1/5

#6SXSW Day 5 (Final Day)
Date Posted: 03-12-2008 at 03:41 PM - Comments (0)
10:25 amWell, I decided to roll outta bed and seize the day. Southern Gothic was so bad that I didn't want to wake up and face another day, knowing that its possible for a movie to be so terrible. Here's hoping all that goodwill I had built up since being at SXSW hasn't entirely been wasted.4:57 pmWell, I'll be honest. I did absolutely nothing of importance between when I woke up and now. I wrote a review, transcribed some interviews and tried to find a ride home from the airport tomorrow. My mother is in a hospital in Jacksonville (Which is about a three hour drive from Orlando) and she was suppose to pick me up, since I didn't want to pay the $12 a day to park at the airport and my dad was the only one who was willing to drive me at 5am. Finally wrangled someone into doing it after a hour or so of calling around. For those who don't know (which is probably quite a few of you), I am a huge hot wing junkie. There's a place around my house that I frequent on Monday nights for all-you-can-eat wings and I was jonesing for some. The first day I arrived in Austin, I got a flier that said, "40 cent wings, all day on Tuesday). So, there was never any question where I would be eating on Tuesday. Daddy's was right down the street from the Alamo Ritz, which was where our first movie of the day was playing at 7:30, so it was conveniently located. For us anyway. Wings were decent, not as good as Gator's at home though. But, you can't beat that price.5:37 pmAfter eating, we walked down to this place called Tears of Joy, which is a hot sauce store. Kinda overpriced for hot sauce but its a niche store so I didn't know what I was expecting. They had basically every flavor known to man (Even a Keith Richards endorsed brand).6:03 pmOne of the popular things to do in Austin is going to the downtown bridge to watch the bats fly out at sundown. Apparently, its the largest urban bat colony in the U.S., which I'm told is around 1.5 million bats. And they all live under these two or three bridges that are right next to each other. 6:48 pmWe waited and waited and didn't see anything. The time change on Sunday had the sun setting at about 8-something and we had a movie to catch at 7:30 and quite a walk, now that we had gone out to the bridge. We have to leave for the theatre.7:30 pmBama Girl"A charismatic black woman at the University of Alabama runs for Homecoming Queen going up against a century of ingrained racial segregation, internal black politics and a secret association of all-white fraternities."I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I find most documentaries to have no re-watchability. They might be good or even great but I only find them to have entertainment value for one viewing. This one, however, I could watch again. The Homecoming Queen competition is interesting but what I really dug was the look at The Machine, which is the secret, all-white student government that runs all of the on-campus politics. They basically scare people into doing what they want them to do. The administration on the campus knows they're there and they do nothing about it. After seeing Bama Girl, I actually would like to see a companion piece on nothing but The Machine.4/59:02 pmWe walked over to Stubbs after the movie and went to the closing night party. Free beer, a techno group performing and a lot of smoke. It was alright for about 20 minutes. Then, Tim and I kinda lost interest and left. The drive to leave was more attributed to us having to wake up at the crack of dawn the next morning for our flight.Since I'm not doing anything tomorrow, aside from getting on a plane and going home, this will be my last blog for the festival. Overall, it was a lot of fun and the fine people at SXSW did a great job running everything smoothly and picking some great films. The theatres were mind numbingly awesome. The Alamo Drafthouse is the single greatest theatre I have ever had the privilege to be in. I wish there were more genre films but it was nice to watch a wide variety of stuff regardless. I can't wait to go back next year.Here's also a list of everything I saw, listed from best to worst.Dance of the Dead and Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Tie)21Bama GirlMister LonelyNot Your Typical Bigfoot MovieHarold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo BayOtisA Necessary DeathThe PromotionSouthern Gothic




#5SXSW Day 4
Date Posted: 03-11-2008 at 10:43 AM - Comments (0)
9:45 AMEven though I only slept about 5 hours, I gotta get up...11:15 amI was starting my Dance of the Dead review and I fell back asleep. Great, its going to be one of those days. I forced myself to take a cold shower and now I'm totally wired and ready to seize the day. 1:39 pmTim kept raving about this restaurant called Manuel's so we went to go check it out today. First of all, its probably the most expensive place we've eaten at since we've been here. $16 for two enchiladas and some beans? $8 for some Flan? And secondly, it was just so-so. Definitely not the best Tex-Mex I've ever had.4:30 pm For the past few hours, I've been trying to get the internet working on my room and trying to catch up on writing/transcribing. The writing is going OK but the internet still isn't working. I called the front desk and asked why the wireless isn't working. Their response, "The rooms don't have wireless." So, whose wireless have I been stealing all week?5:24 pmI've been waiting in line for Forgetting Sarah Marshall for about 10 minutes now. And, I'm glad Tim and I got here this early because the line is already around the block. I've been sitting on this bench here in front of the Paramount, working on this Dance of the Dead review. Still.6:17 pmFore the first time this whole festival, I got leid. It was great. These two girls in hula outfits, one Tim noted looked suspiciously like Winnie from The Wonder Years, came out and dropped leis on everyone before going into the theatre. Nice.7:00 pmForgetting Sarah Marshall"A comic look at one guy's arduous quest to grow up and get over the heartbreak of getting dumped. If only his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend weren't staying at the same hotel."I'm a huge fan of the Apatow crew so needless to say, I enjoyed the hell out of this film. Jason Segel (Undeclared, Knocked Up) wrote and starred in the film and just really wowed me. I mean, this guy has had supporting roles so far but he carried completely carried the movie. Paul Rudd and Jonah Hill show up (this is an Apatow production of course) and of course, spew comedy gold every time they open their mouths. Hell, they even rip Kristen Bell's character about starring in a movie about killer cell phones and how stupid it was. Great flick and will definitely be a hit. 4.5/59:24 pmWe just got to The Austin Chronicle party and this place is crowded as hell. Theres a band playing on the stage (the party is at La Zona Rosa) and there's a giant buffet table filled with enchiladas and sushi. Plus, its got an open bar. We can't stay very long since Southern Gothic starts at 11 and we need to get in line. 11:00 pmSouthern Gothic"A man must atone for a tragic mistake by saving a little girl from a ruthless, undead preacher."I have no idea how this film is going to get picked up. While sitting through all 94 minutes (though I still can't figure out why I didn't get up and leave), I thought of all the other things I would have rather been doing than watching it: clipping my toenails, sleeping, contracting an STD. The only film at the festival, so far, that has absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever.0/51:00 amSuccess! I've finally finished my DOTD review and now, I'm going to bed.



#4SXSW Day 3
Date Posted: 03-10-2008 at 09:20 AM - Comments (0)
9:47 amFinally, I got some much needed sleep last night. Its about time too. The festival is really wearing me down. I think its just a combination of all of the walking we have to do with having to watch movies. I never thought get to theatres and watching movies could be exhausting. I guess its just something you have to try to really grasp the intensity of the situation.11:47 After trying to get some writing done while Tim went to a film making panel, we met up at Stubb's Bar-B-Que. I heard from everyone I know thats visited Austin that I absolutely needed to eat here and they weren't wrong. For $16 and change, I can eat all the barbecue I wanted, along with tamales and brunch food. Really odd combination of cuisines but hey, I can't resist.12:42 pmI've stuffed myself silly and uncomfortably waddled over to the convention center for the trade show at the convention center. I'm convinced the only reason this convention hall was rented out is to give away free candy. And yo-yos. And shot glasses. Basically, I got a bunch of random tricnkets that will probably cause my suitcase to be overstuffed and will sit at the bottom of closet for a few years. 1:23 pmI've just made my first trip to the press lounge. They have someone giving free massages! Aside from that, I'm just trying to be a Milford man, since someone is doing a video interview right next to me. 2:01 pmWhile Tim is interviewing the cast of Shuttle, I'm trying to finagle a screener out of the publicist. Doesn't look like its happening, as they don't want to start giving them out since the film hasn't been bought yet. I didn't get to check it out last night (I was watching Bigfoot and the ushers caught me trying to sneak into Shuttle right before it started... lame!) but Tim said it was really good so I'm looking forward to seeing it. I also just bought a bottle of Diet Coke for $3. I'm officially a tourist.2:39 pmSo, I was telling Tim earlier this morning that I've been looking for this Faith No More shirt, with the Angel Dust album cover on it and on the way back to the hotel, we stopped at a music store to take a look. Lo and behold, there's the shirt. Score! Right now, we're sitting back at the hotel and I'm writing my Bigfoot review for the site.6:33 pmWe just got in the theatre to watch The Promotion. The line is wrapped all the way around the building and down the street. Me, Tim and Capone and Quint from AICN were up near the front of the line so we got some primo seats for the movie. I know very little about this movie, besides the fact that John C. Reilly and Jenna Fischer. 7:00 pmThe Promotion"The story of two mid-level supermarket employees who compete ruthlessly for a coveted post at a new store location."Like Walk Hard, Fischer and Reilly's last film, The Promotion left me disappointed. I think that there are, occasionally, some funny moments in the film but they are few and far between. I think I might have laughed out loud about twice but the rest of the audience was laughing for almost the whole during of the film. Reilly was basically playing the film as Will Ferrell and it was very grating on my nerves. Not to mention that I hated both of the main characters. I can dig a film that has bad natured main characters in it but I found them to be so immature and so obnoxious that I just couldn't find any of their antics hilarious. 2/58:57 pmTim and I headed over to the Film Threat party a few blocks over for free beer and tamales. These tamales are probably the best I've had in a really long time. The business suite is crowded, hot and smelly. So, basically, its like every college party I've ever been to. In the main area, they have Rock Band set up and the owners of Film Threat are jamming away on old Jane's Addiction songs.10:15Dance of the Dead, a film I'm really looking forward to, is giving its world premiere audience a free round of beer, so we're sitting outside of the theatre almost two hours early. A few screenings have been getting really long lines (especially Mister Lonely and Explicit Ils, who turned tons of people away) and I figure with the incentive of free beer, a lot of people are going to be showing up.11:59 pmDance of the Dead"A horror/adventure that takes place on the night of the big High School Prom: the dead rise to eat the living and the only people who can stop them are the losers who couldn't get dates to the dance."I'm going to be writing a full review for the site and I don't want to give too much way before then but I will say that it is the best movie I've seen at the festival so far. Tons of fun and gory as hell.Rating pending but whatever it is, its going to be a really high score.2:57 amAfter the film, almost everyone in the theatre stayed behind and talked to the cast outside. After about 30 minutes, the cops showed up and told everyone to go home. Apparently, blocking the sidewalk and standing in the street at 2:30am on a Sunday night/Monday morning is really causing a lot of complaints and holding up traffic. Give me a break. Surprisingly, I'm not exhausted at all. In fact, Im pretty wired. But, I know we have interviews and a pretty full day tomorrow so I need to crash.



#3SXSW Day 2
Date Posted: 03-09-2008 at 09:26 AM - Comments (0)
8:17 amUuuugh, what time is it?10:30 amAfter stumbling downstairs to get the complimentary breakfast (mini pigs-in-a-blanket and waffles shaped like the state of Texas) and getting dressed, Tim and I started our trek towards the Four Seasons hotel for Otis interviews. 11:15 amWe arrive at a very crowded conference room. Basically, each table has either actors or behind-the-camera talent and interviewers jumped from table to table. The traffic in and out of the room is nuts and I'm just trying not to lose my seat over in the corner while I'm waiting for our interview session to start. 12:07 pmI finally broke down and had some of this yogurt they had brought to the room. It's too sour. So sour, in fact, that I puckered my lips when taking a spoonful and I think one Warner reps thought I was trying to blow them a kiss. I think Ill just keep a low profile until we get out of here. 1:15 pmAfter meeting up with some friends, we sat down at a restaurant to grab lunch before our first screening of the day, A Necessary Death. And finally, after searching all day yesterday, I've found a restaurant with Blue Moon beer.1:57 pmApparently, there's only one waiter in the whole restaurant, which is jam packed, and we still haven't gotten our food. They know we need to run down the street to the Alamo Ritz for a screening so they comped the bill to get us out. Fact: beer is always better when its free.2:17 pmWhile waiting for the film to start, I actually took the plunge and ordered something off of the Alamo menu. I have to know if the food is as good as every says it is. The menu is basically filled with bar food (pizza, burgers, etc.) and its decently priced. And man, its good. 2:30 pmA Necessary Death"'Documentary Filmmaker looking for suicidal individual to follow from first preparation to final act.' Cut from 142 video tapes, this project sheds light on the tragedy following the infamous internet ad."Now, this is a film, like Blair Witch, that might get people confused over whether its real or not. It's not. Apparently though, a few people in the audience thought it was and were complaining after the screening that it was too sadistic. I say, put that on the DVD cover, it'll sell. It's a very well done film and I think the fact that the audience bought into the film so much that it was real basically says almost everything needed to be said about the intensity of the acting. I think that some of the characters act in very unnatural ways (nobody with their character arcs would do some of the things they end up doing). Other than that, its a very riveting and dark movie. The best thing about this movie is that people will be talking after they see it. It's a textbook example of a water cooler movie. It brings up a lot of interesting questions about personal convictions and the desensitizing of our culture. 3.5/54:46 pmAfter heading back to the hotel and attempting to go over the recorded interviews done earlier in the day, I realize I'm too tired to comprehend anything. I couldn't even follow the plot of the Sci-Fi channel movie that was on. I have no idea how I'm going to make it through the rest of the day without falling into a deep coma.5:38 pmTim and I walk over to the Alamo Ritz to check out the new Harmony Korine (Gummo) film, Mister Lonely. The line is wrapped around the building and we're both really concerned that we're not going to make it in. Tim says that if we don't, it'll be the first screening at SXSW that he wouldn't have gotten into. They're starting to turn people away...6:04 pmNo joke, they cut the line off about 10 people behind us. We've barely made it inside. Barely.6:30 pmMister Lonely"A Michael Jackson impersonator lives alone in Paris and performs on the streets to make ends meet. At a performance in a retirement home, Michael falls for a beautiful Marilyn Monroe look-alike who suggests he move to a commune of impersonators in the Scottish Highlands."Aside from the rut of nothing-going-on-itis the movie finds itself in occasionally, its a decent watch. The conflict and interaction between the characters is superb. They're living their lives in such a way that really bizarre, yet identifiable to embrace. What I really dug about the film was that there was this side story within the film about a priest (Werner Herzog) and some nuns who go skydiving. They never interact with the main cast but they basically serve the same purpose as Tales From The Black Freighter in Watchmen. It's the movie within the movie. I can't say that its exactly like other Korine films, because this was has a sense of hope in it. Very bizarre, self-indulgent and not for everyone but it has a certain charm about that keeps you watching.4/510:12 pmAfter stopping off at the hotel for a rest, we head back into downtown to go to the Explicit Ils party, which neither Tim nor I have seen yet. The email invite says 10pm but when we show up, it turns out that it doesn't start until 11. Makes sense, since the movie doesn't finish until 10:45. While at the bar, I met someone who will probably end up being the most bizarre person I meet in Austin. This girl is probably a little older than me (I'm 22), almost assuredly very drunk and flashing people walking by on the street. And on top of that, she works at the bar. I guess the bar gets her nice and liquored up and sends her to the street out front to lure people in. Hey, I can't argue with that logic, it probably works. Side note: I'm also going to award this girl the quote of the day award. She was wearing a very tiny skirt, maybe a step above a loin cloth and keep in mind, its about 33 degrees outside. So, she talking to us outside of the bar and the wind keeps blowing her skirt up and she exclaims very loudly to everyone walking by, "My vagina is cold." Chomedy gold. As drunk as she was, I'm 100% sure she'll get warmed up before the night is over. 10:45 pmWhile waiting for a movie to start at the Ritz, I take a trip back out to the lobby to pick up my next t-shirt. I knew I needed to grab a Alamo Drafthouse shirt and was contemplating between a Godzilla and Dirty Harry design until I spotted the Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill shirt. I feel in love and quickly threw another $20 down on the counter. Between two meals and two shirts, I've probably spent around $60 at the Alamo so far.11:00 pmNot Your Typical Bigfoot Movie"Through the experiences of two amateur researchers in southern Ohio, we see how the power of a dream can bring two men together and provide a source of hope and meaning."This movie is much less about Bigfoot than it is about the relationship and hardships these guys face as Bigfoot researchers. Dallas, one of the Bigfoot researchers, is totally consumed with Bigfoot and he does nothing but talk about him. The film shows how he functions in a day-to-day fashion and I still can't believe that someone does that. It just boggles my mind. Wayne, the other researcher, had some really great emotional moments and opened up his life more on film that Dallas and I think that's what really gives the movie a push over the average level. I'll be writing a review of this for the main page so I won't give to much more away.3.5/512:34 amSomehow, I've made it through the screening and back to the hotel. I honestly don't know how. I've hit the (festival) wall already and I'm the most tired I've ever been in my life. I can barely remember the walk back to the hotel. I'll definitely need to sleep in tomorrow so that I can at least have basic functions tomorrow.



#2SXSW Day 1
Date Posted: 03-08-2008 at 09:46 AM - Comments (0)
2008. The year I finally decided to go to the South By Southwest Film Festival. From March 7th to the 12th, I'll be in Austin, TX, taking in all the films I possibly can. This is, after all, my first film festival ever. I will be putting up reviews and interviews for the horror films, which are very few and far between compared to last year’s offerings, but in addition to that, I'll be keeping a daily blog of absolutely everything I experience on my first trek to SXSW. This includes anything the general insanity of the film festival to short non-genre film reviews. March 7, 20084:30 amYes, its 4:30 a.m. and my alarm is going off. I never knew what 4:30 am looked like before now and frankly, I'm not impressed. A half-hour later, I'm dressed, out the door and on the way to airport. After meeting up fellow B-D writer Tim Anderson (Tex Massacre), we hopped on a flight to Houston. It would have been a great flight, had I not been elbowed constantly by this really big fidgety guy sitting next to me. Luckily, I had my It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia DVDs so the time went by really fast (in case you've never checked out the show, I highly recommend it... it's like Seinfeld, only the people have even less scruples). 8:45 amWhen I grabbed my connecting flight to Austin, I noticed something really odd about the airport. When we first landed, I looked out the window real quick and saw some cars driving under the airplane. I thought I was hallucinating or something. But, sure enough, there is a highway going under the tarmac at the Houston airport. 10:00 amIt’s official. I'm in Austin and about 20 minutes away from the heart of the city. I catch a bus to downtown and then walk to the hotel because, well, transferring buses would've had me waiting around for a half-hour. And I'm impatient. Funny thing about Austin: it's basically built inside of a valley. So, as much as I thought Texas would be a bunch of flatlands, the eight block walk is all uphill. After trudging up to the hotel and dropping my bags off, I'm off to the convention center, which, luckily, is a downhill walk.11:12 amI don't see what the big deal with getting these press badges. I kept hearing horror stories from people who have been before that there could be an hour long wait in line. 10 minutes. All that rushing and worrying and it was a 10 minute wait. I've waiting longer in line at the Peter Pan ride. But, at least it’s done and I'm sure as hell not complaining. The funny thing about my badge is that before the first day of the convention, you have an opportunity to upload your badge photo online so it can be ready for you day of. Well, my photo kept disappearing online after I had uploaded it and finally, last night, it worked but showed up as roughly 1/8 the size it was suppose to be. Stupid computer system! And before I forget to say it, damn, this convention center is huge (it takes up two city blocks!). 12:17 pmWho knew trying to get directions to a Chinese restaurant could be so difficult. Can you believe there is not one single take-out restaurant in all of downtown Austin? Everyone I ask at the information booth is looking at me like I'm crazy. What's it take to get some General Tso chicken around here?12:22 pmBefore heading out the first screening of the day, Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay, I had lunch with Nicole from Dark Sky Films. And, right now, I just realized I paid $10 for a burrito. 1:23 pmEven though this is a press only screening for Harold and Kumar, I expected the theatre lobby to be packed. Maybe 50 people. Maybe. Oh and this is also my first trip to the Alamo so I'm really excited to be going to a world famous theatre. Apparently, since the original Alamo theatre is no longer standing, they now have two locations (I'm currently at the Alamo Lamar). But, none of that matters right now because the screening has been pushed back from 2pm to 5pm. Apparently, the print has not arrived yet. Very randomly, I also met a guy who looks suspiciously like the skinny version of Jared from the Subway commercials. 3:12 pmAfter coming back into town to drop stuff off at the hotel and get Tim some lunch, I get a call from a local friend whose also here, film critic William Goss of Central Florida Future and eFilmCritic. Apparently, the Harold and Kumar screening has been moved back to 6pm. Great. 5:16 pmCould this cab driver be taking a longer way to get to the Alamo? It's like he's taking the longest way possible, during rush hour, to get more money out of me. 5:34 pmWell, I've finally made it into an actual theatre at The Alamo. It's got a pretty great set up. Food served to me while I watch the movie. It's not an entirely new concept to me, as I've visited the Enzian theatre in Florida many times, but I really dig the old school feel to the theatre. While we're waiting for the movie to start, they're playing these old anti-drug reels, filled with anything from Dragnet episodes to cavemen cartoons with people tossing around decapitated heads. Damn, this place is awesome. It also has a really great T-Shirt store in the lobby that sells film shirts ranging from kung-fu to porn. 5:57 pmThe movie just arrived at the theatre and they have to check the film reels. It'll be 10 minutes.6:14 pmIt'll be another 10 to 15 minutes.6:23 pmIt'll be another 10 to 15 minutes. They're checking the last reel. 6:43 pmIf the film starts in the next couple of minutes, we could still technically make the opening night film...6:53 pmStill no film. I hate Harold and Kumar.6:59 pmIt's about time!Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay"The triumphant return of the two hilarious, slacker anti-heroes. This time, the boys get themselves in trouble trying to sneak a bong onboard a flight to Amsterdam. Now, being suspected of terrorism, they are forced to run from the law and try to find a way to prove their innocence. What follows is an irreverent and epic journey of deep thoughts, deeper inhaling and a wild trip around the world that is as "un-pc as it gets."I honestly thought I would hate this film with every fiber of my being. The first isn't exactly a favorite of mine but I'll admit it has its moments, even if they all involve very immature stoner humor. But, surprisingly, this film made me laugh quite a bit. It's not really the plot that works, as it’s basically just a bunch of sketches thinly woven together to stretch out the central plot. I think it’s more that I just enjoy the characters. They're completely idiotic... and I can't help but watch them. It’s got Doogie, a sex scene involving Kumar, his ex-girlfriend and a dime bag and more Doogie. I don't think it'll hold up as well as the original but it's nothing to shake a stick at either.3/58:58We've somehow managed to make it back to the Paramount Theatre before they started letting people in for the opening night film, 21. There's no doubt in my mind it was a miracle. The Paramount, which is right in the heart of downtown Austin, is where all of the "big" premieres will be held. Inside, it looks like an opera theatre, with balconies on the side and one in the center. It even has ushers in tuxedos. The only thing I didn't like about the theatre is that if you sit near the back, the center balcony's overhang blocks the top of the screen. Granted, I’m not missing too much up there but I still wish it wasn't there.9:30 pm21"Based on the true story of a group of MIT students who, under the guidance of a cryptic professor, takes Vegas casinos for millions through the mathematical art of counting cards."Finally, a movie with Kevin Spacey and Kate Bosworth that's actually pretty good. Apparently, director Robert Luketic had been trying to make this film for about a decade but Kevin Spacey had bought the rights to the article the film was based. I'm glad he had a chance to get out of the romantic comedy genre and try something new because he actually delivered something pretty solid. What I thought the film really delivered on was showcasing the tension during the card games. And maybe the film was a little predictable in that I predicted the ending at the start of the third act but I still think it was delivered very well.4/511:24 pmTwo blocks over and five minutes of walking through the freezing cold, me and Tim make it to the Alamo Ritz for a screening of Raw Feed's new flick, Otis. After ordering my food, I step out into the lobby to go to the t-shirt store. There's an awesome Death Race 2000 design and I jump on it immediately. They make the shirts right there in the store/lobby area and they seem to be pretty high quality, though I can't help but think that $20 is a little overpriced for a homemade shirt. Still, no one else is every going to have this design so I happily throw the money down on the counter.11:59 amOtis"In the midst of a serial abductor/killer's rampage, a beautiful young teen goes missing but soon turns the tables on her tormentor."As far as Raw Feed stuff goes, or at least the ones I've seen, Otis is a pretty decent movie. The film has some pretty funny bits in it, mostly involving Daniel Stern (CHUD!), with a very convincing turn as a nervous and overstressed father, or Jere Burns, who plays a methodically incompetent FBI agent. Actually everyone did a pretty good job in their respective roles, each bringing a special over-the-top quality to the film. The big qualm I had with the film was the writing. In parts, it works and the movie moves along quite smoothly. But, other times, I felt like some of the dialogue was being written by a 5 year old. At one point in the film, while Otis is torturing a young girl, he exclaims, "I'm going to eat your teeth." Really? The film is littered with stuff like that and while overall, it doesn't destroy the film, it bogs it down quite a bit. 2.5/52:10 amThe movie is over and I've just gotten back to the hotel. It feels like it's 10 degrees outside. My first day at SXSW was a pretty great. I have virtually no complaints other than to have essentially waited 5 hours to see a movie. Thank god this isn't Sundance and I actually got into all my screenings. Sleep is calling me.




#1Oh Boy! I got a ticket yesterday! Yay for the Ocoee PD!
Mood: Whatever
Now Playing: Lifetime "Self-titled"
Date Posted: 02-09-2007 at 11:26 AM - Comments (2)
Yesterday, I got a ticket. Nothing too fancy about that. However, the story provided some with laughter, so Ill share it.Officer: License and registrationMe: Yes sirO: You know why I pulled you over?D: Uh-huh. I was going to fast.O: Do you know what the speed limit is on the road?D: 40... 45?O: 45, OK. Do you know how fast you were going?D:.... nope. I have no clue. (Me thinking: Of course I do. I was going like 80.)(Guy walks away. Im sitting in the car, staring at the clock. I am exactly one block away from the entrance of my neighborhood. I figure if Im polite, maybe I wont get a huge ticket or anything. 5 minutes pass, nothing. 10 minutes pass, nothing. I fall asleep...seriously. All of a sudden, I hear the guy calling my name).O: Sign here.... blah, blah, blah (Ticket is only for 58 in a 45... not too bad... My manners saved me a trip to court)D: OK. O: My advice... slow down and get off your cell phone, you almost didn't see me (Note: I was not on my cell phone but saw no reason to argue about this... he reduced my ticket by a lot). D: No, I saw you.O: Then, what? Were you deciding whether or not to stop?(This is were my sarcasm kicks in... I tried to by nice, but I didn't get the point of his comment except to be difficult. Plus, he already filled out all the paperwork, so I was getting a clean getaway anyway no matter what I said)D: No sir I wasn't. You just happened to look like you were flagging a plane down in the middle of the road, not telling me to get over on the curb. You should practice your hand signals. I have no idea what the hell you meant.O: (Completely dumbfounded by my apparent sarcasm) Oh. And then he walked away. Moral of the story: Don't drive on StoneyBrook Parkway anymore. Oh, and Im sarcastic.